An appreciation of Eden

February 5th, 2010

"Did perpetual happiness in the Garden of Eden maybe get so boring that eating the apple was justified?"

Almost a full month in Italy, I have experienced a whirlwind of feelings, thoughts and desires. I have been thinking a lot about this quote. When I first arrived in Firenze, I was tired and my mind was jumbled. So far away from home, in a place so new to me with people I did not know, I could not help but feel I was in this altered state. Not so much like a dream and being out of touch with reality, but rather that my head was clouded by unfamiliarity. I walked the streets in an aimless, dissociative trance. As I wandered with my head towards the sky, I found myself stopping every two seconds to snap a picture, or stare in awe at a church. This is a fantasy world, consistent of total freedom; from our labels, home, our responsibility. Go to clubs, and drink like you would at home because there are no longer age restrictions. Are there any restrictions at all? You find yourself spending the euro like it is nothing at all. This new form of currency has as much meaning and value as monopoly money.

Oblivious to the true "being" of the city yet, we found ourselves purchasing postcards and sending them home to our loved ones, still maintaing some sense of the established mores and expectations. It is funny how we send these cards home, enhancing the paradise-like belief and providing a general, unrealistic symbol for the city. We have taken a bite out of the apple. Enjoying every moment in this freedom high, doing exactly what we crave at home without any care. Maybe we were in paradise at home and did not realize it. Maybe it is paradise here and we had not realized it yet?

I have been given the opportunity of a lifetime to experience Italy; the culture, the people, a place so amazing. Yet when given the freedom to do whatever I want, do some things otherwise admonished, I may have overlooked parts of Firenze that make it truly Italian Firenze, not American Firenze.

It was all an illusion of the mind. This "apple" it is. After a few weeks the drunk American-like bar scene has gotten old. We desire something more. Like any drug, even after we get the initial high off something we are not satisfied. We find ourselves searching for something different to give us that feeling again. At the Cavalli Club (owner Roberto Cavalli, fashion designer), I very soberly regarded the people. In sober reality, it was not fun. People were shoving into each other, hot, sweaty, and disgusting; and older creepy Italian men showed persistent interest in barely legal girls. But when I looked around I saw girls who looked as though they were having the time of their life. The forbidden apple clearly was enticing more than just me. It is so weird how this "apple" has distorted our perception of genuine happiness.

Maybe being tempted by the apple is natural and vital. But after getting past this period of enticement there is a new appreciation for "Eden".

Yes, Florence is absolutely amazing, breath-taking, and beautiful. But it is what it is becase of the people who live in it. People have acutal lives here, bills to pay, classes to attend, and children to feed. We tend to think of Italy with a certain, unrealistic stereotype. Life is fabulous, beautiful and problem free. So we come here with this notion but find it fading within a few weeks. Once you begin to appreciate this country for its actual beauty in a less touristy way, you can really say that you love it here. I can now accept the "postcard" image and representation of Italy. It does not symbolize that "apple"' to me as it did once before. The pictures of the churches and buildings are gorgeous and a real picture of Italy and its history. The Italians living here add to that picture and make it real. I love it because I can now understand it as a concrete place; I can feel it as an actual home. I love it here like I love my home in the states, not as a temporary, blissful escape.

As life becomes more habitual I have realized that the "apple" idea of paradise is an illusion that can never last for an extended period of time. Life seems real again, confusing my previous notions. Maybe I was in paradise before and did not know it? Or maybe we just have an inaccurate perception of it. Regardless, I know I am in a pristine paradise now, with a clear, grateful mind, more tuned to the ground and to my thoughts.

The apple, this "honeymoon" stage of the trip, has been eaten. I understand Eden because now, all I feel is real. I feel completely true. There is no escaping, no more blurring of perception... just a new clarity. Florence for what the city really is. Life for what it really is.